I got this letter from a woman who was writing to father's of daughters a couple of years ago, and thought it deserved publication here...I've edited some parts of the original for the sake of space, the main points remain...
Dear Father,
I don't have the courage to say this to my dad, but maybe, just maybe, something I say will help your relationship with your daughter, or maybe even a daughter's relationship with you and her heavenly father.
Please know that more than any other person on the planet, your daughter wants to be noticed by you; for you to be proud of her, for you to be aware of her life.
Please remember you are the grown-up, even if your daughter is 38 years old like me; you are the adult. It is never your daughter's responsibility to mend the wall you let fall. She may begin, but will be unable to move forward without your full participation.
Just once I want my father to turn to me with a smile on his face and say, "I'm so proud of you!"...just once. I know he thinks I know, but I don't. Please tell your daughter how you feel, and especially how you feel about her...we are never too old for a hug or kind word. Wrap her in your arms...bless her with eye contact, deep words, and time.
You more than any other person on the planet will tell your daughter what to think about herself. Who she will be as a woman will be determined mostly by you.
If you hold up that super-model as the standard for all women, she'll know it. She'll try to be it, or like others, totally give up and go the other direction. Even negative attention is attention for the starving.
Eating disorders, self-mutilation, risky sexual behavior - most of it is based in the father/daughter relationship. We watch the way you treat our mother's, the way you touch or don't touch them, the way you talk to them, the way you prioritize them. We watch...and learn.
I know when you held us as infants, you never realized how much power you would wield over us, but you do. Our first interpretations of God stand or fall by your example. That's a big responsibility. What are you telling us about God? Is He too busy? Is He too distant? Is He only impressed by outside appearance? Does He only care about accomplishments?
Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Fathering above all else is worth doing well. Start today. Talk to her. Tell her you dropped the ball.
Can you imagine the healing that would take place if men across the country began to apologize for the way they've dehumanized women? If they brought their wives and daughters up in front of the church and confessed and committed to do better? Can you imagine the walls that would fall down?
It's about her heart. It's about your heart. When the two connect great things happen...when they don't, things get ugly, distorted and broken. Wash her feet, she'll never forget it.
Wow...I don't know if a letter like this exists for mom's to son's, but the principles would hold the same I believe. If you have children, and read this...act on it.
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